9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark says Judith Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence, based on her 30 years of research on the topic. One of the reasons is that we avoid saying the tough things and build work arounds with people we feel uncomfortable with about certain topics. We all do it when we’re in a hurry or don’t think it’s “our place” to say something. It seems so much easier to simply appease someone by saying we are okay with something when we aren’t. We can come up with lots of justifications for not taking the time to have the conversation filled with being transparency, building a relationship, listening for understanding, truly wanting a shared, successful outcome and telling our truth, as we are experiencing it, that we need to.
Scheduling time to have that 10-minute sweaty conversation with someone at work who you know you need to be transparent with can mean the difference between good and great outcomes for you and your team.
Trust is at the heart of having that 10-minute sweaty conversation, and Judith Glaser has spent her life researching and practicing principles that she has learned around the topic. I flew to New York City a few weeks ago and met up with her in her Central Park apartment. I’ve studied and taught her work in our leadership classes for the last 3 years and have been spending the last year in a deeper dive to achieve certification.
We’re not the only ones who think this work is vital to moving leaders to the next level in today’s digital environments. Inc. magazine named Conversational Intelligence one of The 5 Biggest Business Trends for 2016 and said this:
“We’ve all heard about Emotional Intelligence, the ability to be self-aware of how behaviors and actions impact on others. What few of us are as aware of is the emergence of Conversational intelligence, the understanding of how conversations actually rewire our DNA and brain chemistry. There are 30 years of deep research in this field and we are just beginning to understand how critical conversation is to actually shaping our biology.”
Becky Freemal led the interview with the type of expertise and grace that I have come to expect and deeply appreciate from her as a journalist and anchor on the WFXR 10pm news. Becky was Skyping in for the interview session with Judith and me. We were able to obtain about an hour and a half of relevant discussion for leaders around things like:
- What do you do when you feel bullied at work?
- Can a manager or leader ever get past the question we all ask to build trust during a coaching conversation which is “Do I need to protect myself?”
- How do you move to higher levels of conversations in order to get better outcomes at work?
- What types of words and conversations build trust vs jeopardize it?
Becky will be focusing her next two Sunday night 10pm news stories for Virginia@Work on the interviews we did with author Judith Glaser, the author of 9 books and New York’s Women of the Year in 2004. I’ll be focusing on how you can prepare for and get through those 10-minute sweaty conversations during the next couple of Monday’s on Good Day Virginia at about 7:40am on WFXR with the co-anchor of the show, Kathlynn Stone.
You can find the podcasts that we recorded on the Cortex Leadership YouTube Channel.
Episode 1: How to Use Conversational Intelligence
Episode 2: How to Deal With a Bully at Work
Episode 3: How to Rebuild Trust with Someone at Work
If you haven’t had time yet to catch last week’s podcasts and interviews with Ron Bonstetter, Senior VP of Research for TTI Success Insights here’s my favorite it the series to check out:
What happens to your brain during a meeting? As you have a 10-minute sweaty conversation, how does your brain react? People are complicated. Tune-in to Episode 2 as Ron talks about what percentage a conversation should be listening and how trust can break down quickly.
Becky’s story last Sunday night was a great overview of who TTI is and how they serve you regarding the DISC and Motivators assessments our firm provides.
Our first co-hort group for Leading a Winning Team leadership development course that starts in February is already filled and we are now forming the second group. Click here if you would like to obtain more information about the syllabus. Click here to contact us for more information on our coaching and leadership programs or to get a DISC or Motivators assessment for yourself, a team member, or new hire.