Cortex Leadership Consulting

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Will leaders exhibit emotional discipline this week?

There’s a part of being emotionally intelligent that is key to leaders successfully creating collaborative outcomes and it would appear, from my experience with thousands of them in training and executive coaching sessions, to be the portion know as “self management.”

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.  Basically, it’s your “people” skills.  The characteristics include self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, developed the framework for it.  Many organizations use assessments that measure your level of development in each of the skills.  Studies of indicated that emotional intelligence is a higher indicator of success, in many areas, than even a person’s IQ.  Here’s a nice article to compare the two for you.

Discipline is defined as:  the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.  Discipline used to be something that was coveted.  The concept was honored and honorable.  It still is when it applies to having a perfectly sculpted body (one thing I may never see in the mirror).  Everyone seems to want one of those these days and will go to great lengths to have one.

Emotional discipline, though, is something that we may not be focusing quite enough on right now and could be the missing key that unlocks the outcomes we want to achieve.  The leaders I have coached and admired have emotional discipline, which I have found to mean that they don’t always do what they want to do, or say what they want to say, when they want to say it.  They don’t always react in anger when they have full justification to do so.  They don’t do tasks when they feel like it, but rather when they have them scheduled to happen.

Leaders that possess emotional discipline have an impulse, quite frequently, to run the other way when the super tough decisions need to be made, and yet they don’t.  They stand up, when others sit down, and they speak their truth in the face of criticism and sometimes serious consequences.

For those of you that are familiar with the DISC behavioral styles here are some areas that each of us may have an opportunity to develop emotional discipline in regard to:

Drivers – may have an impulse to over-confidently say exactly what’s on their mind, with little contemplation. They may speak from the “gut” and may not give consideration to how it lands on peers and team members.

Influencers – may have an impulse to avoid needed conversations and situations if they feel like they could result in a possible conflict, or deterioration of a relationship or a how much a person likes them.

Supporters – may have an impulse to hold back on their opinion or believe that their opinion isn’t as important.  They may also have an impulse to take all of the work onto themselves instead of burdening someone else which may sometimes lead to not delegating well.

Calculators – may have an impulse to NOT communicate instead of communicating.  Calculators can sometimes be more comfortable in their office with “time to think” instead of seeking others’ opinions.

When the rules of emotional discipline aren’t followed there are consequences for the leader, their team and their organization.  They might include and certainly aren’t limited to their team loosing respect and trust in them.  A lack of emotional discipline may lead to lack luster results because a leader did what they felt like doing in meetings and during important interactions with others, rather than calling out unproductive behaviors. Maybe customer centric standards aren’t kept because it’s easier to overlook poor performance than it is to inspire excellence every day.

We all have work to do to right this ship and make emotional discipline as sexy and common place again as it used to be, when we celebrated and were more attracted to a leader taking a moment to quietly contemplate their answer than blurting out the first thing that came to their mind before the other person was even finished talking.

Here are some things to discuss with your team this week:

  1. In which areas of their work do they feel they are exhibiting strong aspects of emotional discipline?  Do they hit deadlines regardless of the internal or external obstacles they are dealing with?
  2. In which areas of their work do they need a higher level of emotional discipline? Do they need to lean into meaningful conversations that can move themselves and the team forward rather than leaning away because it’s more comfortable and familiar?
  3. Where do team members need help in being more disciplined? Is it hard for them to get fired up in the morning and do the toughest tasks they need to get done, first?  Who can help motivate them and keep them on track?

This article can also be viewed on the TTI website here. TTI SI, Target Training International – Success Insights, is the provider for our DISC assessments and the industry leader in understanding the science behind them.

At Cortex Leadership Consulting (www.cortexleadership.com) we provide DISC, Motivators, Leadership Competency, Stress, 360 degree and Team Accountability assessments along with workshops and leadership programs to assist you and your team to reach your peak performance.  You can contact us at [email protected] or (540) 776-9219 to book a workshop for your team, a customized leadership program for your organization or schedule a keynote speech.

If you would like to receive the Leader’s Launch List, each week, in your email inbox, go to www.lyndamcnuttfoster.com.

 

 

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Will you follow the Platinum Rule for leaders this week?©

There’s the golden rule:  Treat others as you want to be treated.

Platinum RuleAs a leader, the golden rule works well if the person you are working with has the same upbringing as you did, has the same behavioral style, is motivated by the same things, has the same vocabulary and has the same values.  In other words, if the person is exactly the same as you are and would want the same things then treating that person how you want to be treated, in it’s immediate, literal sense, would work.

Let’s face it, though.  We all want to be treated the way we want to be treated.  I like to be treated the way I prefer to be treated and so, I would guess, do you.  So treating others the way you want to be treated is treating them the way they want to be treated.

Which brings us to the Leader’s Platinum Rule.

Treat others as THEY want to be treated.

This way of thinking will help you:

  • More effectively communicate with others
  • More efficiently get to the goal you want to achieve through others
  • Create more trusting relationships that will result in others being motivated to help you achieve your goals and reach you and your organization’s outcomes.

Who you are talking to and dealing with, many times, is not like you.  You may hate when someone is too direct.  There are people that hate it when you aren’t direct with them.  When you aren’t direct they think you are “beating around the bush” and they are actually wanting you to “get to the point”.

You may think that people sitting there, hardly looking at you when you are talking to them, or who look at you with that terrible, what we call, “resting face” are cold and are ignoring you.  Actually, they may just have a different behavioral style than you do.  You being all bubbly and super positive may be coming across to them as superficial and perhaps, dare I say it, artificial.

How do you find out how others want to be treated?  Ask them things like:

  • How do you prefer to have me contact you? Text, Email, Phone?”  Is there a time, during the day, that works best for me to approach you with certain things?
  • Do you prefer I just come to your desk when I have a question I need answered right away or is there another way that would work for you?
  • When we hit a bump in the road, because everyone always does at some point or another when working together, how would you like for me to approach you with it? Is it best to send you a note and request a meeting, just come up to you and tell you about it, or is there another way of approaching it that you prefer?
  • How is it best for me to get feedback from you about how things are going? Is it best to go ahead and schedule some check-in points now or do you want me to reach out to you in a few weeks, or is there another method that you have found that works best for you in regard to giving or receiving feedback?

If you have taken one of our DISC workshops then you know that different behavioral styles prefer you to approach them with the answers to certain questions if you are requesting something from them.  The sooner you answer the questions that are in their head the sooner you will get what you need or want from them.

D – Drivers prefer you to be direct, to the point, be prepared, and answer the questions What?  As in, what needs to be done?  What are you requesting?  What is the bottom line?

I – Influencers prefer a friendly approach, to talk about personal things for a moment to “check-in” first, and then to answer the question Who?  As in, who will be working on the project, who is coming to the event, who is asking for the donation from us.

S- Supporters prefer you to take a slower pace to approach, be as thoughtful as possible, and answer the question How?  As in, how can I help you?  How can I serve you best?

C – Calculators prefer that you come to them with the facts, take a logical approach, provide them with details at a pace that allows them to absorb the information and answer the question Why?  Why does this need to change?  Why do you need what you are asking for?  Why does this need to be done now rather than later?

 

HOMEWORK WITH YOUR TEAM THIS WEEK:

In an upcoming work session with your team, start with a round that asks each member to share with the group one thing that helps them serve the group better.  They might share that they prefer to have any instructions in writing so they can be sure to deliver exactly what is needed.  Another member might say that they prefer to get a “heads up” about any changes that might be coming up so they can properly prepare for what’s ahead.  Another person might share that they prefer for people to be direct with them and just say what’s on their mind, to them directly, so that they can handle any issues immediately, before they fester.

You can start the meeting with the question, “What’s going right?” to get your meeting started with the right tone and thinking patterns.

If you would like to receive the Leader’s Launch List, each week, in your email inbox, go to www.lyndamcnuttfoster.com.

At Cortex Leadership Consulting (www.cortexleadership.com) we provide DISC, Motivators, Leadership Competency, Stress, and Team Accountability assessments and workshops to assist you, as a leader, and your team to reach your peak performance.  You can reach us at [email protected] or (540) 776-9219 to book a workshop for your team, a customized leadership program for your organization or a keynote speech.